I watched a movie today. It was a really touched movie. It talked about a little girl who she thought she killed her father by herself. And her mother thought why she can’t stop the accident happened. After the accident happened, both of them felt sad, moreover the little girl became a deaf-mute person. Her mother took her to see a lot psychology doctors, but it was useless. No one can found out the reason why she can’t talk and heard any sound. Until one day, her neighbor noticed that she can attracted by music, then he tried to sang to her, and it worked. As the same the little girl’s mother knew a good psychology doctor to help her. In the end, they already found out why little girl became a deaf-mute person. Because she saw her father died in front of her, and she thought that was her fault. But the doctor helped her to know that she didn’t kill her father.
An accident happened makes little girl and her mother felt so sad. But they still jump out of the sadness and begin their new life. It really touched me.
3 則留言:
"A Touching Movie" is the correct idiom. Anyone or anything that is "touched" is crazy/insane.
"a little girl who she thought she killed her father by herself" has too many words (verbose) and is grammatically incorrect. It has to be "a little girl who thought she had killed her father". "Who" replaces "she" and "by herself" is unnecessary unless there's another sentence telling us that she had done it with someone else.
"And her mother thought why she can’t stop the accident happened." This is touched English. The correct idiom is "her mother wondered why she could not have prevented the accident". Now the question arises, "What accident?" I infer that the father died in a car crash, but you have to say it.
", moreover the little girl became a deaf-mute person." This should be "; moreover, the little girl could no longer hear or speak".
"psychology doctors" is normally expressed as "psychiatrists" or "psychologists".
"No one can found out the reason why she can't talk and heard any sound." Too many mis-usages. "None of them could figure out why she could no longer hear or speak" is normal.
"Until one day, her neighbor noticed that she can attracted by music, then he tried to sang to her, and it worked." Too many mis-usages here too. "One day, however, her neighbor noticed that music attracted her. Then he sang to her and she listened".
"As the same the little girl's mother knew a good psychology doctor to help her. In the end, they already found out why little girl became a deaf-mute person." This is a terrible sentence! "At the same time, the mother found a good psychologist/psychiatrist to help her. They discovered why the girl had stopped hearing and speaking." That's a decent rewrite.
I don't understand why it took so long for all these doctors to figure this problem out. It was clear to me immediately that the girl took personal responsibility for her father's death.
"An accident happened makes little girl and her mother felt so sad. But they still jump out of the sadness and begin their new life." You need to make your sentences simple before you make them complex. It's much easier to combine a few simple sentences into a single complex sentence than to rewrite distorted complex sentences. And you need to think about what words are necessary in every sentence. These two sentences, for example, can be simplified thus: "The accident made the little girl and her mother sad, but they were finally able to overcome their sadness and begin a new life".
Try not to combine the verb "feel" with feelings. It's much better to say "I'm sad" than "I feel sad. It makes sense to say "I fell sick, but I know that I'm not", however. Can you see how "feel" works in the sentence?
Yes, what you said is clear enough for me to understand. You don't have to worry about that, but it's not expressed clearly or idiomatically enough. You need to read a great deal more.
"I watched a movie today. It was a really touched movie. " maybe you can say " I watched a touching movie today."
As Bill said, what accident? You didn't tell the readers what happened to her father. If they didn't watched the movie, they won't understand what happened to the little girl.
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