2007年9月18日 星期二
Typhoon
There was a typhoon came to Taiwan today. The North of Taiwan doesn’t have to go to work and go to school. But in the South of Taiwan, we don’t have any holiday. We still have to go to school. That is a very awful thing for me. Because it was a raining likes dog and cat outside. If we go outside, our jeans would be wet. I really hate that. I hope we can have a holiday when typhoon comes.
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It would be good for you to condense "That is a very awful thing for me. Because it was a raining likes dog and cat outside." into one sentence.
You may want to make your paragraph more clear and coherent. Try it if you have time to focus on less ideas.
Keep going!
"There was a typhoon came to Taiwan today." ==> "A typhoon hit Taiwan today." "There was" is verbose, and typhoons don't simply "come to" a place; they "hit" or "slam into" a place because they always have strong winds and heavy rain. You should give the reader the feeling that the typhoon was dangerous from the beginning by choosing your verb more carefully.
"The North of Taiwan doesn’t have to go to work and go to school." The meaning is clear enough, but it would be more natural English to say something like this: "People in northern Taiwan don't have to go to work or school today."
"That is a very awful thing for me. Because it was a raining likes dog and cat outside." These two sentences are inconsistent: one is in the present tense and the other is in the past. It's confusing. You could say this: "I was unhappy about that because it was raining cats and dogs."
"If we go outside, our jeans would be wet. I really hate that." Don't use "we" and "our" here. Not everyone wears jeans, and some people wear rain suits so that their trousers don't get wet. Write and speak for and about yourself, not for and about everyone else.
Your points are all clear, however. Good.
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